When you stop doing something you’ve been doing for as long as you can remember, (in my case, working as an employee), you fully expect to free up these huge gobs of time every week. And in those enormous hours, you’d be justified in thinking you’d get all those things done that you never had time for before. Wouldn’t you?

Hmm… so why isn’t it working out that way?

It’s always been my ‘theme song’ to clear space in my life to let the good things in. And I know that the universe abhors a vacuum – if you clear space, something will always rush in to fill it.

What I hadn’t experienced before is the speed and sheer ferocity with which the space gets filled!

Last night, as I was feeling once again like I was waaaay behind as I shovelled yet another load of whiltes in the washing machine, I realised my problem.

I had ‘expectations’.

In the planning for my ‘retirement’, I may not have been able to imagine my days without work, but what I was able to do was develop this huge list of Things To Get Done When I Retire. And that list? Whew – if I work at it solidly for the next 10 years or so, I may make a dint.

Did I really think that all that would get done, quickly, completely and with ease within the first four weeks and then I could relax and get down to the serious business of growing a business?

The problem isn’t the list.

It’s my expectations that freeing up some time was miraculously going to get this all done. Especially when the universe, in it’s infinite wisdom, has decided I need to do other things.

It is so time to toss out those expectations and start developing a workable and inspiring lifestyle. With plenty of room left in for the little things that always crop up.

A Clearing Space Moment

What unrealistic expectations are you beating yourself up about? Are you doing the best you can do with what you have?

Then why are you beating yourself up about it?

Spring is all about new growth, renewal, flinging off the layers and getting outside.

Already I am feeling much more inclined to clear out cupboards and sort through papers… it’s curious how different that is to even a week ago, but I am not complaining – it sorely needs doing. I’ve been on the reinvention path for a while now, and the sorting, purging and organising is one of those critical must-do’s in order for me to fully walk into my new life as an ex-employee.

And on the subject of reinvention - we’re talking much more about it over at The Calm Space in our September edition. I share some tips I found valuable on my own path of reinvention, and there is lots of wonderful wisdom, tips, encouragement and fun from our wonderful team of contributors! Take a bow Annie, Amy, Angela, Chris, Grant, Joanna, Joanne, Leah, Marc, and Marj!

Go on! What are you waiting for? The time is ripe and the wind is blowing the right way…

There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.

By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.

Robert Louis Stevenson

I often think about being happy, what makes us happy and what stops us feeling content. (Drives my family crazy!)

On one of those thinking expeditions a few months ago, I came to the realisation that drastic change was necessary for my inner equilibrium. Something was throwing me off kilter. Way off.

I’ve been dropping hints about change here and there quite a bit lately, and now’s the time to tell you that the steps have been taken. The fear has been faced. The aftermath has been lived through.

Today is a red letter day indeed, and not just for the auspiciousness of the date.

For the last 20 years, I have held down a corporate job with the same company. I’ve borne my children while working for them. I’ve seen countless people come and go, made friends, grown as the company has grown and learned innumerable lessons along the way. I have grown up, I guess, working for them.

No longer.

I dropped off the key, Lee, I’m free. (Actually, it was a computer, not a key, but that doesn’t work in the song that’s been reverberating around in my head for the last week). Last night at 6pm I logged out for the last time.

This morning I woke up a free woman.

I no longer have staff reporting to me. I no longer report to the MD in another state. I no longer need to switch on my computer at 8am every morning and check emails. I no longer need to deal with complaining clients and recalcitrant staff!

I’ve left it in good hands – hands that are eager for the challenge, a heart that’s ready to take charge and a level of energy and enthusiasm that I had lost, somewhere along the way.

Now is my time. I’m not sure exactly what that will look like, but I am certain that The Calm Space is going to be a big part of that. The dreams and ideas are bulging from my notebooks and now, apparently, I’ll have time for them.

It’s going to take a bit of getting used to. Right now, I’m not sure I feel any different… but the two beautiful bunches of flowers remind me that something very special has happened this week.

Today is celebration day.

Here’s to being happy.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be

~ Abraham Lincoln

How happy are you?

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being absolutely darn miserable, and 10 being deliriously happy) where are you at, right now?

Are you happy with that score? (pun intended: )

Yes? Terrific – have a nice day.

Oh, you’re still here?

What can you do, right now, to increase your score?

If you’re down in the dumps, sometimes you need a strategy to drag yourself point by point back up the happiness ladder. And when you’re down it’s often not the time to start thinking about that strategy.

It needs to already be thought upon, brainstormed, even written down, so that you wont forget when you’re in that hole that you’ve a couple of things to try.

It’s a bit like having a fire drill.

It often seems pointless, and certainly time consuming, when we’re busy getting on with the rest of our life. But having that semi-automatic reaction to a certain situation (like a black-hole day or a fire) can
be a life saver.

I needed a strategy for when I wake in the middle of the night.

I lie there for a while until I realise I am awake and it’s very dark, and my mind switches on and off I go. Worrying. Fretting. Imagining horrible things. (Especially if Captain Scarlett is out and driving…)

Once this had happened a couple of times I realised I wasn’t able to get myself out of the worry cycle without a premeditated plan. I’m just not awake enough to think up a strategy at that time of the morning.

So, I devised and tried a few different things. My aim was to soothe myself back to sleep quickly. I didn’t want to get up and divert myself in some way. I really need my sleep. And getting up and phoning Captain Scarlett didn’t win me any brownie points either : )

And now, I wake far less in the wee hours. Is it because strategies are to hand? I’m not sure, but I am not complaining!

Do you prepare strategies, like fire drills, ready in case of emergency? Or do you just deal with the issue when you’re in it? What works for you?

With my life pared back to bare bones during our renovation and narry a bauble in sight, let alone a tree or piles of beautifully wrapped gifts, I find those two questions popping into my mind.

When you take away the tree, when you take away the baking, shopping, wrapping, decorating frenzy, what is left?

A couple of years ago I sprained my ankle badly in the lead up to Christmas and thought I found out then what was important. Being laid up certainly made me aware of my priorities and to let go of the irrelevant or ‘busy’ work. But I realise now that was just a first step.

I have always been a bit of a Christmas perfectionist. Alright, alright – I can hear my family’s voices of protest already – I was a LOT of a Christmas perfectionist. I loved to have everything ‘just so’. Beautiful tree. Beautifully decorated, clean and tidy home. Delicious meal. Candles, inspirational music. Perfect gifts for everyone, wrapped within an inch of their lives. You get the picture. And it was difficult for me to let anyone else help me with the acheivement of the perfect Christmas.

And I realise now that in my quest for perfectionism I lost sight of the most important thing.

Those I love. The very people I thought I was doing it for.

Funny how we delude ourself in our quest for perfection.

This year there is no room for perfectionism. Traditions are out the window. Not just changed or renegotiated.

And I am feeling an immense sense of freedom, of liberation from expectations and requirements.

It is like the changes I see in my home. As the coats of paint go on, covering the previously bright, multi-coloured walls with a beautiful, calming, peaceful shade called Handmade Linen (don’t you love that name?) right through the house, I am feeling a new lease on life. An injection of simplicity, of calmness. A feel of opportunity and possibility. I know these changes herald a change of pace, a reinvention of my life.

And like the possibilities in my life, I am seeing possibilities in the celebration of Christmas simply this year. One of focussing on the people, and not on the trimings.

A Clearing Space Moment

In the madness that is the final couple of days before Christmas, can you stop for a minute and think about how you’d actually like Christmas to be, if there were no expectations at all.

I like to imagine a keyword, something that represents a feeling or state of mind. Something like ‘simplicity’, or ‘love’, or ‘family’, or ‘fun’…

What is your keyword for how you’d actually like to be and feel? How will those you love feel about that?

It seems to me the whole world goes crazy at this time of year. Especially women. I’m not sure if it’s hormonal (we could always blame it on the moon’s alignment with Venus or some such, couldn’t we?), or whether it’s something our Mothers passed down to us, along with curly hair or caffeine reliance.

We could also blame Martha Stewart, Margaret Fulton or even possibly Ms Gorgeousness herself, for brainwashing us into believing that Christmas is a huge production number and we must rally round and produce a veritable feast whilst simultaneously having not only a spotless house but one that is decorated beautifully and all by our own two hands. And let’s not forget the perfect gift, deliciously wrapped for every person in our lives, a plethora of home baked goodies to be whipped out with a flourish whenever unexpected guests grace our abode (and let’s not forget the raft of little guest gifts wrapped under the tree for them to take when they leave – or so I read in a magazine a couple of weeks ago!).

All this while raising beautiful, well mannered children who are involved not only in every sport or dance class known to man, but play multiple musical instruments and are straight-A students as well. Um, and having… you know…

No-one ever mentions working while you do it all. Or sleeping!!!

It seems to me that the current generations (what are they again – Boomers, X-ers, whys and whatnots…?) of women need to burn the homemaker magazines and write a new script. One that

• doesn’t include guilt as first course
• includes taking care of themselves first
• knows when enough is enough, and that done is better than perfect
• knows when to ask for help, and to receive it with open arms

It seems crazy to me that we lead a fairly normal sort of life, juggling the balls and managing to keep the equilibrium basically intact right through the year. Then, come December, we go crazy and try and stuff as much as we can into 24 days!

This year, I’m opting out of a lot of the Christmas stuff. Christmas in this house will still be wonderful, but the stress? Gone. I’ve got other things to worry about. (Like where I am going to sleep at night). I’m looking at it as an experiment.

You can read the story of why that is over at Joyful, Jubilant Learning – here.

Can this household do the bare minimum for Christmas and survive?

Can we NOT have a tree and live to tell the tale?

Can we eat cold turkey, ham and salad from paper plates, using paper serviettes with little reindeer on them, and still hold our heads high?

I’ll let you know how I go.

For the rest of the world, I have another solution for you! Instead of chaos and going crackers (sorry, couldn’t resist!) why not stay sane and calm?

Grab your copy of Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual – it will definitely challenge the whole frantic mess and rewrite the script of how Christmas and the lead up to it can be. Since we offer a money back guarantee, what have you got to lose? (We’re shipping right up to Friday 21st December… or download a copy any time – it will still be most useful to you during the aftermath of the Ho Ho Ho.)

It’s never too late to change the way you feel about Christmas…

Life is chock-full of possibility, but when we get really busy with living it, sometimes it is hard to see past our schedule and to-do list to what that possibility may be.

I’m guilty of this. Some days I can almost see the possibility, shimmering out there on the edges of my vision… taunting me, teasing me, enticing me with a feeling of something better, something truly wonderful.

For isn’t that what possibility is? A magical sense of what could be?

Then, life gets chaotic… again… and I lose that sense of possibility in the daily doingness. It’s been happening a lot lately. I’ve had this feeling that if only the world would stop for a while, I would be able to finally see what that is – sitting there on the edge of my vision. Only, of course, the world isn’t going to stop. It isn’t even going to slow down any.

So, the universe has it’s own way of dealing with things – doesn’t it? Since I’m not taking the time, it starts to hit me around the head with hints. I guess I have been getting hints for a few years now, and I do take some notice… only I never stop to really absorb the messages.

The universe isn’t one to be trifled with. When you don’t hear the messages, they become louder and louder – from many and varied sources, in the hope that in the end, the combined impact of all those voices will eventually coalesce into the lightening bolt that finally reaches your soul.

And so it was this week with me. I learned that my biggest possibility is that I make a difference. It’s been a gut-wrenching kind of realisation – the kind that makes me well with tears just writing about it. You can read of my journey, and some of the voices sent by the universe, at Joyful Jubilant Learning today – and while you are there, please check out the comments made by some amazing, truly awe-inspiring people.

Now this is possibility!

Greg Balanko-Dickson left me a beautiful comment, with some wise words I couldn’t resist. This is beautiful – thanks Greg!

 

It is not what we learn in conversation that enriches us. It is the elation that comes of swift contact with tingling currents of thought.

- Agnes Repplier

I am not late to meetings. I normally manage to meet all my deadlines. I arrive at the dentist on time (even early, as happened recently!)

But parties? I don’t know what it is, but by the time I arrive, the party is in full swing, the music is blasting, and all partygoers already there are having a wow of a time without me.

Maybe it’s something that is a legacy from my past – you know, the thing about being fashionably late?

Well, whether I am fashionable is highly debatable… but I have my party pants on and I am ready to jump in the fray! Better late than never – it’s a motto I live by : )

So, where’s the party? Sure, you can tell by the heading, can’t you? It’s over at Joyful, Jubilant Learning – or JJL as it is fondly known. This month marks the anniversary of the birth of JJL as a separate, amazingly collaborative place of learning, with the Third Annual Signature Forum on – what else? – Joyful, jubilant learning! This year, we’ve a theme going – Making a Difference.

And because I am so late to the party, there has been a lot happening whilst I have been busily preening and making myself beautiful (yeah, right!).

A wealth, in fact, of amazing writing from amazing people – all making a huge difference to the world, and to every single life they touch.

I was going to give you the line-up, but really, it’s time for me to dance and celebrate and join in the fray – so why not pop on over to JJL yourself and sift through the beauties that are there and make your own picks. No, it’s not greedy to want more than one. In fact, it’s recommended!

Enjoy the party (and, of course, watch out for my grand entrance on Friday!!!) The canapes are coming around soon…

The Calm Space

a virtual magazine that’s like a day spa for your senses

real but enticing

informative but inspiring

escape to chill for a minute, or an hour…

Cue the music… charge your glasses… and get ready for the launch of The Calm Space next week. If you’d like to receive an email when it’s up, so you can be amoung the first to check out the amazing line up of contributors writing from their hearts – drop me an email or register for More Space today.

I’ve been getting these cramps lately. Today, I have written about my remedy…

Writers Cramp – Tossing Out the Old Rules and Expectations - at Joyful, Jubilant Learning.

Please pop on over, pull up a chair and have a read from some of the other brilliant authors who contribute to Joyful, Jubilant Learning – it is one amazing community! You’re welcome anytime.

If you’ve never been there to visit before, it’s all wonderful – a community of people from around the globe who celebrate their love of learning.

I have been dancing in my party pants lately (glass of bubbly in hand) as we welcomed with big celebrations three amazing writers (all girls – good to see we’re starting to even up the numbers!) – April Groves, Joanna Young and Ariane Benefit. I have enjoyed their welcome posts immensely, and will be watching for more of their writings with great anticipation!