I felt unappreciated, uptight and drained. Very drained.

But as I pulled into the riding school, there she was on her big boy – riding up a dream. I told her to keep going and parked the car so I could sit and watch without being eaten alive by mozzies.

And as I watched her, I felt this release… This time was a gift. Here I was watching my gorgeous daughter ride her magnificent horse, the almost-full moon rising behind her, the sun setting to my left.

I took a deep breath.  The tension magically bled out of me, flowing through the seat of the car and off into the ether…

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be

~ Abraham Lincoln

How happy are you?

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being absolutely darn miserable, and 10 being deliriously happy) where are you at, right now?

Are you happy with that score? (pun intended: )

Yes? Terrific – have a nice day.

Oh, you’re still here?

What can you do, right now, to increase your score?

If you’re down in the dumps, sometimes you need a strategy to drag yourself point by point back up the happiness ladder. And when you’re down it’s often not the time to start thinking about that strategy.

It needs to already be thought upon, brainstormed, even written down, so that you wont forget when you’re in that hole that you’ve a couple of things to try.

It’s a bit like having a fire drill.

It often seems pointless, and certainly time consuming, when we’re busy getting on with the rest of our life. But having that semi-automatic reaction to a certain situation (like a black-hole day or a fire) can
be a life saver.

I needed a strategy for when I wake in the middle of the night.

I lie there for a while until I realise I am awake and it’s very dark, and my mind switches on and off I go. Worrying. Fretting. Imagining horrible things. (Especially if Captain Scarlett is out and driving…)

Once this had happened a couple of times I realised I wasn’t able to get myself out of the worry cycle without a premeditated plan. I’m just not awake enough to think up a strategy at that time of the morning.

So, I devised and tried a few different things. My aim was to soothe myself back to sleep quickly. I didn’t want to get up and divert myself in some way. I really need my sleep. And getting up and phoning Captain Scarlett didn’t win me any brownie points either : )

And now, I wake far less in the wee hours. Is it because strategies are to hand? I’m not sure, but I am not complaining!

Do you prepare strategies, like fire drills, ready in case of emergency? Or do you just deal with the issue when you’re in it? What works for you?

peace.
it does not mean to be in a place
where there is no noise, trouble
or hard work. it means to be in
the midst of those things and still
be calm in your heart.

Today, as I was hanging washing on the line, I decided it was time to share a little of my ‘noise, trouble and hard work’. Some of my chaos, if you like.

A sneak peak into the midst of my life – some of the chaos I live with, learn from, laugh at – and still stay (relatively) calm.

Here are two little snippets from the midst of today. It’s noon as I write this, and I am so looking forward to seeing what the rest of the day has in store for me.

A tale of dirty uniforms…

This morning I dragged myself bounced out of bed as my husband left the house, as usual. He leaves before 6am to ‘beat the traffic’ on his commute to the office, and I start my morning routine.

First item of the day is waking up Gorgeous Girl. It’s not an easy task, and I have to be ever vigilant for pulled up covers, shut doors and “I didn’t hear you wake me’s”. My darling daughter turned 15 last week, so you’d think she’d be pretty independent and able to manage things by now, don’t you? (No sniggering allowed).

Her school bus leaves from the top of the street at 7am, promptly. So you can imagine my glee at the second third final call when she told me she’d no clean dress.

She has three school dresses (and I am thankful every day that it isn’t the blouse and horrid pleated skirt of her previous school’s uniform!) and we rotate them in the wash. During summer they really need to be washed after each wear – so theory says, one on, two in the wash and since I wash regularly, this shouldn’t be a problem.

Only… when I washed on Friday last week, apparently there was only one dress there. I didn’t wash over the weekend as I was kind of otherwise engaged (baking cakes and scones and hosting a party for a certain Gorgeous Girl…)

And yesterday I didn’t wash either, because they had forecast rain (no, we didn’t get any – why did I think to believe the forecast?)

So this morning: no dress.

You can probably guess the rest. Wails. Mutters. Gnashing of teeth. Stomping even.
And that was just me …

A tale of dead mice…

So, finally everyone is out of the house and I’m ready to do some work. A load of wash in the washing machine and another hung on the line. It’s about 10am and I am contemplating a cup of tea. Ahh, peace, lovely peace. The birds are twittering in the trees, the dogs are happily asleep in the sun. Life is good.

My phone rings.

It’s Captain Scarlet, calling from university. He stayed at a friends house overnight so he could miss that dreaded traffic as he had an early lecture this morning. And in his rush to leave home last night, he forgot to feed his pet.

So he called to ask me if I could do it for him.

No big deal, you say?

Not usually…

However…

When the pet is a python and the food is a mouse he’d taken out of the freezer yesterday to defrost… ewwwwww

And apparently the snake was meant to be fed two days ago, so it was probably going to be real hungry.

I call that above and beyond.

The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.
~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

My eldest son, Captain Scarlett, graduated from school last week.

It seems only yesterday I was leaving him for his first day at school. That morning where he said ‘bye Mum!’, and sat, entranced by his teacher and oblivious to his mother’s distress. I dissolved in the car park that morning, rescued by another anonymous mother, who took one look at me and gave me a big hug. She said to me – it’s either your first or your last, first day at school. I don’t know who she was, but I have always felt grateful to her for that hug, and that understanding. Her insight showed me that this wasn’t something I did alone. She showed me that mothers all feel this way when our children start that oh so thrilling (for them) and heart-wrenching (for us) journey through their schooling towards independence.

And here I am, 13 years later, at the other end of the spectrum. Reminding myself of the many who have gone before. I am not the first mother to have her son graduate – it only feels that way.

On Friday morning, as he was about to walk through the guard of honour formed by the rest of the students and teachers to ring the school bell one final time, he came and gave me a big hug – enveloping me in the bigness of him. The ratio of our sizes has swapped since that first day of school. Where he barely came up to my elbow at 5 years old, now at 17 I don’t clear his shoulder.

I am proud of the man our son is becoming. But I am not totally ready to cut the strings completely. There are days I just want to stop him going anywhere – taking the carkeys from him and wrapping him in cotton wool and keeping him safe from harm. Of course, there is absolutely no chance of him allowing that! These days, if he is out with his friends at night, he’s liable to lecture ME before he leaves – “Don’t worry, Mum! Get some sleep!”

This growing children is as much a journey, as much a learning experience, for the parents as it is for the children. G jokes that we’ll get it right by the third time round. I fear that is optimistic, given that each of our children are wildly different in personality, temperament and determination.

This morning I was thinking about the passage of time. It was only yesterday – that day he started school. I am sure of it. And now, this week, I am eager to have the week done with. To be at the weekend, and going to collect Captain Scarlett from ‘Schoolies’ on the Gold Coast where he is celebrating with his mates, and 29,994 other school leavers.

I was wishing the week away, and in the process, wishing my life away. I realised how foolish that was.

This week will pass as quickly as all the other weeks have passed, whatever happens. I need this week to count as much as any other in my life.

Life is to be lived, every moment – the good, the bad and the wish-it-were-here-already moments.

I won’t waste any of those moments on wishing they were gone already.

Congratulations, my dear son. You have the world in the palm of your hand. Take good care of it, and live. Every moment.

The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Curiosity has its own reason for existing.

One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvellous structure of reality.

It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.

Never lose a holy curiosity.

~ Albert Einstein

Never lose curiosity. I think being curious keeps our mind active and our horizons open.

Having an open, active, curious mind helps us to have a generous loving heart.

The week ahead that lies ahead of me is packed to the brim with activity, to-do lists and obligations. My eldest son graduates high school this week and this means things such as speech night, valedictory dinner and last assembly… on top of the rest of my life.

I have decided to approach the week, not with worry and stress, but with curiosity.

I ask myself:

How can this week be really great?

How can I mark the significance of this occasion, for us all?

How can I ensure I don’t fall in a shattered heap at the end of the week?

As this chapter of Captain Scarlett’s life comes to end, I am really curious about where he goes from here. It is appropriate to mark the occasion, to celebrate, and also to feel a little nostalgic for my little boy that’s all grow’d up now.

I am trying to comprehend mysteries, and can only do this by being open to the experience. By not being fearful of what the future may hold.

As he looks onward and upward, I’ll hold the curiosity about his life for him. Who knows when he may need it?

Where do you need a little curiosity in your life?

I’ve been busy. Actually, that’s not quite true. My schedule, commitments and life lately – when I have .045 of a second to reflect – has been the sort that brings women to their knees. Literally.

Presented a workshop and manned a table at the Business Mums Network Conference on the weekend with my dear colleague Chris Owen. There is more, much more, to write about the weekend – but let’s just list it here, and that can come when it’s ready.

The conference was in Melbourne, and I live in Brisbane. So, a couple of nights away from home, HUGE preparations for the workshop and the display, and the door prize, yadda yadda… (and a big, huge thank you to hubby for manning the fort while I was gone… nobody was mortally injured and he even managed to survive grocery shopping… bravo!)

But wait… that’s not all.

My first born is in Year 12 – and it’s exam time. ’nuff said?

My middle child was home sick all week last week – with sinus, chest and tonsil infections (the unholy trinity, I do believe). And the horse is hers… which meant guess who had to feed him, rug him, unrug him…

There is a bathroom, loo and laundry renovation thrown in there for good measure. We’ve been sharing a bathroom with our children for over three weeks now, and the novelty of the ‘shower timetable’ in the early hours of the morning has worn off a little. (And the boys were known to go water a tree occasionally when their sister was monopolising the bathroom for her ‘quick’ three hour shower – goodness help us if she needed to wash her hair!!!)

And did I mention the jackhammering and grinding of old tiles off the concrete floor before the new ones could be laid? I don’t even want to think about the thick layer of concrete dust coating the entire house.

No, I am not complaining. No-one ever listens, anyway.

But amounst all this – being a Mum, a Wife, a business woman, a friend, a counsellor, an interior designer, a coach, a dog and horse handler, aagh, I need to stop this litany right now! – I kept remembering just one thing.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Today, I am paying a small price for all this madness – a sore throat and scratchy voice.

I’ve been lectured about taking my vitamin C, getting some rest, taking a dose of my own medicine. OK. I’m listening.

I’m also listening to my soul. And it’s telling me – time to interrupt.

Andrea Lee talked about interrupt on a blog I squeezed in time to read while waiting for something today. Here’s her take on it:

Of course, post-conference life is terribly interrupted now, by design. And I’m grateful. Like a big trunk full of toys collected over the years, sometimes you have to dump all the pieces of your life on the ground in a mess in order to decide what to play with next.

Interrupting life this way means it will be impossible to put all the toys back the way they were before. What a perfect relief!

I love how interruptions can open us up to possibility. I think that’s what is going on here.

In the midst of chaos, my life has never looked so good. It’s beautiful. The bathroom is looking really dreamy (maybe I’ll take a photo and share – would you like that?)… I’m looking forward to a good long soak in our new spa bath – big enough to disappear into!

The chaos in my home from all these renovations is a great opportunity to declutter and simplify my life (and, yes, that will probably be writing fodder in the not-too-distant-future), and I am looking forward to this weekend, with no plans except to clear out the excess, the ugly, the old and worn and the junk.

I’m clearing space in my home for the wonderful things that are just waiting there at the gate… they are waiting for room and I’m ready to welcome possibilities in with an open heart and a song.

No, it’s not all wine and roses (well, no roses, anyway). But in amoung the thorns, there is always a new bud waiting to show it’s beauty to the world.

I hope this week you are blessed with many, many buds and enough thorns to enable you to appreciate the beauty of a flower in full bloom.

Even if you’ve heard the story before, the movie will make it come to life… grab a box of tissues though!

(You knew I could not leave it at that, didnt you?:)

This story helps each one of us – no matter who we are, not matter what we do, no matter how rich or poor – realise that by changing our focus we CAN make a difference in the lives of others.

We can perform miracles every day – take the time to notice the heart in others…

It is NOT cool to read on the bus to school.

Apparently. It’s for the unwashed-uncool.

So, no way do either of my teens want to be classed in THAT category!

But Gorgeous Girl has come up with an inventive solution to that issue of making the time to study. Especially science where she’s currently doing geology and battling igneous versus metamorphic and all those other wonderful names…

Recently, as they seem to do in year 9, Gorgeous Girl’s year took the test that told them what kind of learner they are – kinesthetic, visual or auditory. She was basically straight across the line the same with all three, which to her means she needs all three to really get the learning to stick.

[Captain Scarlett learned he was kinesthetic and then visual, with low auditory back in year 9 - so this solution wouldn't work with him.]

Gorgeous Girl was discussing with me how best to study all about rocks so that she could remember it all. And was talking about the auditory part of the learning equation. I suggested she sing the names of the rocks to herself (don’t ask for a demo, it was definitely a once off – just ask her!)… after throwing around other totally silly ideas, she said she would record herself talking through her notes(NO singing!) , then she could listen to that on the bus each morning without being called names. 

Ipods rule, apparently.

The rub? Her iPod is dead (long live the iPod battery… not) and she would need the recording voice attachment. Apparently.

I’m all for creative learning – but why does it always have to leave a gaping hole in my wallet?

While there, I walked past the French Pattiserie, and thought – wouldn’t it be nice if I bought a cake to celebrate the first day back at school? The chocolate mud-cake slices looked the ticket. And milk, we’re low on milk…

Once the kids made their assorted ways home I started on the milkshakes/iced coffees, and Captain Scarlet dished up the cake.  "It’s to celebrate your first day back at school" I told him.

"Celebrate?  More like drown our sorrows…" he complained.

When Gorgeous Girl finally arrived home on the bus, all hot and sweaty, I told her there was a surprise in the fridge. She came back and said "great – thanks Mum!" (I just love gratitude… even if I have to buy mud cake to get it . I told her it was to celebrate her first day back at school – and she said "You mean, the fact that it’s over and I survived??"

I am sure when I was in years 9 and 12 I loved school… I am positive it was something to celebrate… wasn’t it??

Captain Scarlet had my number though.  He said "Mum, it’s you celebrating getting us out of the house!" 

Was I THAT obvious??

Less than two weeks to Christmas…

How’re you doing?

With SOXS as a significant focus this festive season, I’ve been focussed on my own preparations, my reactions and feelings in a different way this year.

It’s been an extremely busy couple of months, and I knew I had to fit Christmas in there somewhere, but I was very aware that above all, I wanted to enjoy it this year.

I have become more watchful of my thoughts and reactions than I ever have before.  I have become more deliberate in my responses rather than just reacting.  And this has made a monumental difference to how I cope, how I feel and how my family react around me.

The biggest difference I have noticed is that when I am calm and in control, and responding rather than reacting, my children are all calmer and more friendly and happy (not a small feat with two teens in the house!).

Here’s how I am doing it:

• making lists and checking them often – gift lists, shopping lists, task lists, ideas lists, menus and entertainment planning lists… all in one place in a spiral bound notebook that also has 4 note pockets in it for keeping receipts, printouts, etc – and that is with me at all times.  Two reasons to keep it with me – first is so that when I have an idea or remember something I need to do, I can jot it down immediately; second is so the kids cannot see what I have got them for Christmas!
• writing down every little commitment in my diary – if it’s not there, it’s NOT happening!
• asking myself with every invitation or commitment request – is this something I want to do? and is this the best use of my time right now?  Honesty is the key factor here
• taking care of me as a major priority (massages, time out, eating well, sufficient sleep and saying no… )
• doing a significant amount of my shopping on-line or by phone.
• enlisting help whenever possible and playing to each family member’s strengths – Gorgeous Girl put up and decorated the Christmas Tree happily, she’s also wrapped (beautifully) a lot of gifts and they are looking stunning under the tree… Captain Scarlett, who is learning to drive, has become a great help in taxiing me when I am tired (this is a real win, win – but I still cannot wait until he has his license and can collect his brother and sister by himself!)
• not allowing my mind to go into overload.  I will not accept a thought that tells me I have too much to do, and will never get it all done. I immediately turn that around to "There is plenty of time, and everything that needs to get done, will get done!"  I am refusing to get stressed, and it appears to be working well.

Here’s my challenge to you – should you choose to accept it:

Check in on how your thinking is affecting your enjoyment of the last two weeks before Christmas…

Check whether you are responding or reacting in each moment… this could mean the difference between calm and chaos.

Remember that December 25 will come around right. on. cue.  Regardless. And before you know it, it will be 2007 – it will all be over for another year.

Are you wishing your life away, wanting to simply survive the next two weeks?  What can you change to stop that and enjoy every moment?